Why I w̶a̶n̶t̶ NEED to work for myself

This week was really tough for me but I did make an effort to slog through and write anyway (yay schedule!). I hope that my last couple of posts weren’t too uninspired. But, trust me, I was going through some crap. I wasn’t sure how much of what was happening in my personal life I should share in my blog because I don’t want to scare everyone away, but I decided that some of the events have a relevance to what I’m trying to do here, so I’ll share what I feel is necessary while also trying to respect the privacy of all involved and not bring topics into this blog that don’t pertain. This post will still end up being more personal than I thought I’d get so soon, being as I think it reveals a dirty spot in my own history that I’ve tried very hard to get away from.

Basically, a chain of events occurred this past week that lead to me losing my part-time, work-from-home job that I’ve held for the past 6 months, working for my friend’s company. I had to make a very difficult personal decision that she did not agree with and it lead to her terminating my employment and, ultimately, our friendship, because I feel as though my choices and actions were grossly misjudged and I was treated pretty harshly at a very difficult time in my life. Am I angry? Yes. Do I feel let down? For sure. Am I second-guessing the decision I made that angered her in the first place? I already would have anyway because the decision was really hard to make.

Everything I was already going through was bad enough, but the fact is that a source of income that I was relying on is now gone, unexpectedly, because my ‘boss’ did not like a non-work related choice that I made. No, I did not have a contract for employment, so I was basically at-will. The girl could have legally fired me because she didn’t like my face if she wanted to.

This is a problem for me because it seems I don’t do very well with pleasing one person all of the time. Do I try my best to work hard and get the job done? I always have, or at least gave my honest effort to. But eventually, I haven’t seen eye to eye with most of the people I’ve been employed by. I don’t think anyone really does, but maybe others are better at keeping up the charade than I have been in the past 10 years since I got my very first job. Maybe it’s not even that. Weird stuff has just always happened where I suddenly couldn’t keep my job anymore. The circumstances surrounding the current firing are actually pretty strange, when I stop to think about it. I wouldn’t have thought that the catalyst and the subsequent decisions made that lead to my firing would have ever even happened in the first place.

I just made a list of my work history. I’ve been fired twice, and quit jobs under extreme circumstances 4 times. There has only been one job in 10 years that I left on my own terms. Clearly, the common denominator is me, so I spent a lot of time beating myself up over it. In fact, I’ve never really stopped being mad at myself since I quit a horrible (for me) teaching job 2 years ago. But this time is different. I feel like there has been a clear and consistent message from God that I just need to work for myself, finally. I mean, I knew that already, but the time is now.

It’s funny because I always thought that if I worked for myself I could create my own hours and schedule my day how I wanted to. But, I had that freedom with my previous job, and while I enjoyed it, it still didn’t end well.

My work ethic is there. My desire to deliver excellent results and customer service is there. My ability to please a single person 100% of the time, is apparently not. If I leave one client or customer dissatisfied (as is, unfortunately, bound to happen in any business), there are still more people out there looking for my services and my whole gig isn’t up. If there is a miscommunication or misunderstanding with one person, that’s okay, because there are others who are still happy with the work I do. So, that’s it. I have to be my own woman and let clients decide if they like me or not. Some people will some of the time, and others won’t, at other times. That’s just life. However, making a decision in my personal life that one individual doesn’t like and getting fired for it isn’t cutting it for me anymore, so it’s time to get my own personal projects and business into gear.

I’ve been going kind of slow and I feel like there are a lot of things in life that need my attention right now, but I have decided to get my website up and business running sooner rather than later. As for this blog, I want to start featuring some of the websites that offer free interior design programs. My plan for my next post is to play around with one of those tools, design a real or fictional room, and review the tool here. There are so many different services out there, so it would be a good focus to start reviewing and sharing them with my readers. It will also serve as research for what is out there for me to use for virtual designs once I’m in business. That’s my homework that I’m challenging myself to complete before my next post!

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