Of Business and Life

This summer has been long and hot. I wish I had better news, but I’ve been struggling quite a bit. I’m trying to help my sister start a business with what she does and my focus has gone all over the place. She’s currently living with me and working for a lady who doesn’t pay much money at all, and we figured it’d be better to just start her own business. Update: the Facebook campaigns and flyers have gone nowhere. Client count: Zero. There’s still hope, but not before she moves back home to find another job because it’s just not working out here.

As for me- while I enjoy interior design, I have been thinking that it might be a hard business to start while I have a child at home and no alternative childcare options. So, fear not, I have other ideas. I’m drowning in them, actually. One of my other ideas is t-shirt design. I have a few drawings that I’d like to turn into shirts. Mural painting is another potential interest, as it’s something I can do on the weekends when my husband is home to watch my son. I have painted wall murals several times in my life and am wondering if that would be a good business idea. I think so, but getting clients is another matter entirely.

I am struggling. I am struggling financially. I struggle with the fact that I can’t just go out and get a “normal job”. The in depth reasons for that are things I don’t really want to go into right now… Well screw it, I guess I’ll share: I’m “bipolar” and it makes it really hard for me to hold down a typical job. Some of the reasons for that have been discussed in a previous post. Some of the things that have happened to me can be chalked up to bad luck, but some of it is being bipolar, if I’m being completely honest.

However, working for myself is a totally different type of gig. I can’t explain exactly *why* that would be so much better for my mental health, but suffice it to say it would. I love people. I love connecting with people and talking to people. I love giving them what they need directly. I love the fact that business is between you and your client- meeting them where they are. If they don’t like what you bring to the table, someone else will.

But none of it is working. So, to be completely honest, I’m feeling down. I need advice, or encouragement, or someone who is good at advertising and marketing to help me. I haven’t gotten a whole lot of help in any of my ventures that I’ve done and sometimes it gets old feeling like you’re going at everything alone. Even having a business partner would help so much- we both help each other equally. But, I haven’t found that person. I haven’t found someone who can help me while I help them. And, that’s one of the major reasons I’m struggling. I know that sounds soo whiny and bitter, but I guess it’s real. Maybe it’s not even true that I’ve been alone, but it’s a feeling that keeps dragging me down. I have a great family and a great husband, but his career interests are totally different from mine. And that’s okay.

Another secret about me: I have an entire music album posted online under a different name. It consists of 8 songs and I spent 2 years working on it. I wrote every song, played piano, composed it, recorded it, and mixed it all myself. Before you go thinking that sounds awesome, just know that no one cares. The promotion over the past few months has gotten me a grand total of one play. Maybe it just isn’t good: that’s something I have certainly not failed to consider. I’m terrified to show people I know in real life though. I’m so afraid of their opinions. So, I promoted it to strangers. So much work, and for what? I know music doesn’t make money, and that’s why I’m trying to leverage my other “talents”. But I didn’t do the album for the money. I did it because I’ve been obsessed with the idea of writing my own songs and making an album since I was 14 years old. It nagged at me for 10 whole years before I finally sat down to start it while I was pregnant. I am the type of person that usually goes after what I want. The returns I get for it though? Yeah… let’s change the subject…

The stay-at-home-mom thing is good sometimes. Some people are not even lucky enough to stay at home with their children at all. For my family, it’s not at all good money-wise, but it’s nice to watch my son grow everyday. I wouldn’t trade spending every day with him the last 14 months. I guess the hard thing about it, for me, is that I do want to do other things eventually. Like NOW. That makes me feel like I’m not a good mom, though. That’s an entirely different post, I guess.

I am so sorry to be whiny, but I haven’t written in awhile and this is just the raw truth about where I’m at. Some of it may sound delusional and it may not all be based in actual reality, but it’s all I could think to write about- and I haven’t written in awhile. To be honest, I actually wasn’t going to write at all today, but when I logged into WordPress for the first time in a few weeks, I saw that I had a bunch of new views and someone even read my blog today. Wow. I seriously couldn’t believe it. I’m not gonna say I jumped for joy, because bad mood, but it did get me writing. ;0

Alright, well. Peace.

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